melodramatic idiosyncrasies

Random Fact #46

When I look in the mirror, I still see that 200+ lb girl. I don’t see the skinnier version of me, and because of that I take a lot of pictures of myself so I CAN see the changes. That’s why you see so many of me around. It reminds me that I am not what I think I see in the mirror. 

That being said, compliment I got today…

“So, Jason complimented you. He said that he was impressed on how you lost all that weight and have been able to keep it off.”

Hmm…well, I run a lot and pay close attention to my work outs. If I see the scale start to move up again, I change some of my bad habits and focus on doing good things for me so I can stay fit. I still have some weight to lose, but right now I’m pretty confident in my body. 

I still have a ways to go. But right now, I’m doing pretty okay. 

Random Fact #45

I love to write, that part is obvious….but I’m scared to share it with many people because I don’t think it’s that  fantastic. 

I have, however, rediscovered a fanfic that I had started a while ago called On My Own. It’s dark and violent, telling a story about a girl who was used and abused and watched her sister and mother get killed by her step father…he tried to kill her too but she survived. 

The story is about her recovery, how she fights back, and how when the step dad finds her again, she fights back and this time she wins.

That being said - I’m tempted to rework it into an original fic and make it into my second novel. Even though my first one, Undercover, sits unpublished on my couch in my office. I just need to read through it and finish editing it before I start sending out queries. 

I didn’t realize how much I missed writing until just recently. I wonder what caused me to forget it and then remember it again. The only change is the Topamax.

Random Fact #44

Everything I do is tied to my emotions. 

If I’m happy, everything in my world is happy and cheery, from my music to my clothing to my speaking to everything. 

If I’m sad, then everything in my world is sad. 

And one thing can ruin everything. 

Like…say….arguing with the Hubs. Suddenly, everything is miserable and nothing is good anymore even if things were fantastic a half hour ago. 

I really, really hate arguing with him. Especially when it’s all my fault and there seems to be nothing I can do to make things right.

Bonus: I really am tired of being a screw up.

Random Fact #43

Favorite snacks you can bribe me with? 

corn chips and cheese dip.
corn chips and sour cream
apple slices and caramel
white cheddar cheese popcorn
circus peanuts
Jelly Belly jelly beans
ice cream
fried corn

Seriously. You want me to do something and promise me this? I’ll be there.

I work out so I can eat this kind of crap without guilt.


 

A week from today is my birthday. I will be turning 32. I try to not care, but the truth is birthdays are a big deal in my world so my birthday is a big deal. To me, anyway. I’m getting old…

Random Fact #42

I’m secretly LOVING the fact that my little sister is jealous as all get out that I’m FINALLY smaller than she is.

Yeah, so she ran the Gate River Run faster than I did and I hate her a little bit for it. Know what? I’m still a healthier person than she is and ultimately that’s what matters.

Random Fact #41

I go through insane bursts of cleaning. 

It’s quite frightening actually, because when I do this I tend to lose things. I organize shit and shit will go missing because I put shit away and I don’t know where that really was supposed to go. Which ends up being hilarious because I walk around going “I totally put that away but where the hell was that!?”

And it’s about to happen again because it’s spring cleaning, and I need to spring clean so I can make room for stuff we really need and get rid of shit we don’t need and get ready for a garage sale. 

I’m gonna lose my head.

Random Fact #40

I haven’t had a cigarette since college.

And when I smoked in college, I hid it pretty well. No one knew that I smoked unless you marched with me, and then I did here and there. 

Right now, my hookah is broken (if you ask Hubs he’d say it was my fault although I think he did it and just stripped one of the screwed in parts) and I can’t tell you just how badly I want to go and buy a pack of cigarettes and light. the. fuck. up. 

I haven’t had this kind of craving in a while. Mini cravings yeah, but the overwhelming desire to just light the fuck up and smoke the entire pack away while I wallow or something…It’s an old school Jamie coping mechanism, and while I won’t actually go and buy a pack right now (holy shit those things got expensive) if someone were to offer me one right now I’d probably take it and smoke the fuck outta it. Runner or not, important race next week or not. 

Random Fact #39

Yes, sometimes I forget to eat. 

Yes, sometimes I forget to hydrate. 

Yes, sometimes I forget how important these things really are in the training process.

Yes…when I remember that I am thirsty and hungry, I want to eat everything in sight and drink gallons of whatever is in front of me. This is why I need someone to remind me of the little things sometimes. 

Which is why I have Hubs.

Random Fact #38

Silence doesn’t mean that there is something wrong….

but it does 70% of the time. 

If you ask me what’s wrong, and I say nothing…and you ask me again, and I say I don’t want to talk about it, then yes. Something is wrong. 

If you ask me what’s wrong, and I say nothing…and you ask me again, and I say nothing again…then it’s probably really nothing. 

Body language is also key here. Pay attention to how I am acting. Aren’t you the one who said actions speak louder than words?

Random Fact #37

I love how I randomly burst into song lyrics and movie lines when it fits in to conversation, even when people don’t get it. I love it even more when people around me do it with me.

For example: My sister was trying to give me directions on how to get to Orlando without having to drive through Daytona so to avoid the Daytona 500 traffic and she told me to go down LPGA or something or other…

Instantly I said “This is my new lover, unibrow. I met her on the LPGA tour” and of course she jumped in and finished the line with me, and then we carried on the conversation as if nothing happened. 

Adrienne, who was sitting with us, was all o.O “That was hilarious, but WTF?!” 

We do silly things like that all the time. I like to keep life interesting like that. 

Random Fact #36

When I get really stressed out, it’s not great. I tend to get short with people and lash out. It sucks, because sometimes I want nothing more than to just get a hug or something.

When Hubs is stressed out too, he gets short with people and lashes out sometimes. 

The two of us together, stressed out, is not a good combination.

It gets worse when I don’t feel good. Like when I have a migraine. :(

Random Fact #35

Sometimes a little alone time is perfect. And I enjoy it.

Sometimes it’s total crap and I loathe it. 

While I have a list of things I could spend alone time working on, spending time with friends remembering that you aren’t really alone is just as important.